David_T, Age 43, 7DW Level 1, Introduction

[David_T]

<<Repost per jos-hua request>>

Hello all! My name is David and I live in Plantation Florida. For work, I lead a dual existence. On one hand, I am president of a small software company, and on the other, I teach personal growth. With the software company, I teach people how to invest and take charge of their financial lives. With my other job, I get to help people break through barriers that keep them from living their dreams. Teaching stretches me spiritually as is exhilarating. The software business stretches me professionally, and I have yet to stop creating stress within it. Both jobs provide me with ample opportunities to grow and be helpful to others.

I am married -- just celebrated our 16th anniversity. It was my relationship with my wife that had really gone sour that led me initially to therapy and then personal growth. That was 10 years ago, and I am happy to report that she is the love of my life and our love and respect for each other grows every day. I feel very fortunate to have her in my life.

Becoming a personal growth instructor has allowed me, if not driven me to examine areas in my life that were less than optimal. Over the years, I have tried various disciplines to enhance my health. However, my motivation has never been clear. I have done it to look better, I have done it to feel better, I have done because I thought I should, I have done it because I thought I needed to set an example. Always, I have lost my way and determination.

At 43, I am really starting to be concerned about the wear and tear I am putting on my body. I find myself tired a lot. I find myself loosing patience with people as my energy flags. I believe it is time for me to take caring for myself to the next level.

I am concerned about my ability to be helpful to others when I am not taking good care of the body that I have been given to work with. I am starting to think about how I can be even more helpful if my body was in better shape. I am concerned about feeling tired; I am starting to feel a genuine desire to put less pressure on our earth in by what I consume. I am starting to feel some responsibility towards the other animals on our planet -- and don't think its right (on some level) to be eating them.

I guess I am searching for answers and ways to be. Because I know that what I am doing, have been doing, is not working well physically, I am ready to move to the next level. I feel drawn to the notion of cleansing myself.

By biggest concern is my schedule. I don’t have a single open weekend until Christmas. But I would like to get going before that. My weekend classes (start Friday night and go through Sunday) are quite demanding, energetically, emotionally and spiritually. I want to get started, and I want to be certain I can give my students what they came for. I am thinking I could start the fast on a Monday and be well into the program by the time a weekend rolls around. But I would be starting a class on day 5 and going through day 7. I definitely have my concerns about that.

Another fear I have is being disappointed by my expectations. I expect a lot from myself and from everything I undertake. At the same time, I know that I can manage these expectations and that they are counter-productive. It is my hope then that I find a new and better way of being as a result of this program – one which I adopt and embrace wholly for life.

Finally, my wife, who is very dear to me, isn't the least bit interested in cleansing. I know she is a little scared (again) in the changes I am going through. We have been married 16 years, and throughout, my growth has stimulated our growth. But I have concerns regarding my long-term commitment and enthusiasm in a program that could create such large differences in our habits and tastes.

I look forward to being a part of this warm and loving community.

Blessings to all,

David

[Jos-hua Medicine man]

Morning David,

Was very nice for me to reread your Level 1 introduction again now a few months later... thanks for being here, trusting, practicing and being part of hps.

peace

:D

[David_T]

Wow!

How amazing to read that post now as well. So much has changed. My energy, my patience, my ... practice.

I am roughly 60lbs lighter physically, and 1,000s of lbs lighter mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

It seems I have found what I was looking for and all my concerns were overcome with grace.

I am very grateful for all you have provided us here with Jos-hua.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are changing the world, one person at a time.

Love and light,

David

[Sumina_B]

Hello David! Wow, what a change! I didn't even realize that was your post until I went back and re-read who posted that message! I thought we had yet another David on the message boards.

I was curious to ask how things are going between you and your wife regarding your cleansing. In that intro you said you were worried about your relationship with her, in that you were cleansing and she was not.

I am also feeling something similar when it comes to Saurabh. In many ways I also initiate change in our relationship, and sometimes I feel I am growing away from him, and the change between the two of us seems great.

What thoughts do you have on that issue?

Thanks for posting that message, it was great to see the change in you!

Much Love,
Sumina

[David_T]

As I moved deeper and deeper into cleansing and eating healthy, I started putting a lot of strain on my wife. For starters, we had always used food as a way to connect. We shared meals, and she could express herself by cooking new and unusual recipies.

She started feeling like she "should" be doing what I was doing, but not from a position of desire, but instead from a place of feeling like she was falling behind...that I would evolve and not want her any more.

But what I noticed was that the more she resisted moving in my direction, the more strident I got about moving. In other words, I was getting more and more strict with my diet. I think on some level I was thinking that I was in this on my own, so I need to take care of myself.

One day my wife was sharing her fear with me and I realized that something was dreadfully wrong with my approach. What I could see was that even though my body was getting healthier, I was not creating closeness with my wife. Now I think it is an interesting balancing act sometimes to do what you think is important and at the same time create closeness with you spouse. But I believe that any path that doesn't create that closeness is not a path I want to be on.

So then is when I realized that I had gone overboard with my program. I could see that I had been adopting rules faster than I could really make use of them. I would read somewhere that such and such was bad for you and would imeadiatly swear it off. I was starting to become a health food bigot.

So my wife was right -- I was leaving her. I was creating distance. So I stopped.

I have come to realize how important moderation is...I guess this is the middle path we are searching for. If the guitar string is too loose, you can't make music and if it is too tight then it breaks. So it is with my growth. Too much too fast creates fear, distance and can even feed my ego. I start to feel like I can handle this...that I am better. Slow growth is stagnation for me. So I seek the middle path -- and keep creating closeness with my wife a top priority.

When I feel the distance is great between my wife and me, then I know it is. And I know that there is some reason that I want it that way. We have been married for 18 years now -- every year we are closer and closer. But we ocassionally throw the relationship out the window. We both come to the conclusion that "this relationship is not working, I want a new one." So we ditch it and start over...a new relationship -- not a new partner.

I think the truth is that I saw the fasting as "my" time. I think I was working from an old mindset, one I still choose on occasion, that says that I can't have what I want how I want it -- and that I will have to fight for it. I didn't know how to make the big changes in my life, how to exert the discipline, how to push myself AND make my wife important. So for the most part, I choose to care for me, rather than creating closeness.

I am starting to see more often that this isn't the case. Somehow I can slow down long enough to comfort my wife, to assure her, to make her important -- then she wants for me what I want. But I only do that when I am not in my own shit -- when my learning doesn't have so much of my ego in it.

I think as I look at it, most of the time that I threaten my wife with my growth is when I am subconsiously judging her for not following me.

One other thing -- sometimes the difference between us seems great too. But the key word here is SEEMS. We are indeed the yin and yang of things. We are indeed very different and at the same time the same in all ways that matter. When I see the differences, I am up to my own mischief.

Anyhow -- I hope I didn't ramble too long.

Love and light,

David

[Jos-hua Medicine man]

What a great post!

I'm sure it will benefit many people, especially couples. Maybe we should put a copy of it into the emotional cleansing forum?

Peace

[Tina_A]

David,

That was truly enlightening. Thank you for sharing a difficult issue with such clarity. Has really helped me to put some things into perspective!
Cheers, Tina A